“Why do you need so much help? You delivered normally so you must be ok to help yourself to sit up or to lie down or do whatever you want to within a week”
You don’t breastfeed your baby? You should have atleast for one year.”
“Do not always carry your child, put him down. You’ll spoil him”
“Buying a cot is useless. He will eventually sleep with you in first three months at least.”
“Set a sleep pattern of your baby. He should go to sleep at this hour for exactly this much time so he can sleep for long at night”
“Why are you altering his sleeping pattern. That’s why he is getting too fussy”
“Teach him what is considered as a bad habit”
“Mothers use to toilet train their babies at 1.5 years of age in old times. Your baby is not yet trained? *surprised face*.”
“You should be little strict with him now. He is getting out of control.”
These and many other unsolicited advice related to raising YOUR child comes from the people close to you are sometimes helpful and needed especially when you are a first time mommy but most often adds to the mental stress of a mother. This becomes even more difficult to deal with when your partner is not with you most of the day and you are on your own with your little human being totally dependent on you.
Sometimes even after an year of delivery, you will feel that you are still going through the postpartum depression when everything’s goes out of control. You won’t be able to control your baby tantrums, can not make him/her understand what’s not good or can not make him/her listen to you, unable to do household chores, want to cry out loud and ran away leaving everything behind.
Understand that grandparents are a blessing in many ways but they are also the ones who spoil your baby to a great extent. And when your baby starts to learn, habits developed at early stage becomes a nuisance or unacceptable behavior for them. You in turn subconsciously will submit to harsh behavior with your baby to make sure he/she behaves normally as expected from him/her which believe me you will regret later.
No mother in all her senses would want her child to become a spoiled brat or misbehave with others. Believe that you are doing your utmost best too raise your child with proper guidance in every matter. No one has a right to criticize you or your baby actions’ unless you ask for an advice on a certain matter.
Dear mom, please learn that babies will behave like babies. Let them be. Make an environment to nurture their curious minds rather than stopping them to explore things on their own.
Most often at night when I lay in bed with my baby, I shed silent tears for being extra harsh on him, for forcing my will on him, for not letting him be but I cannot help myself doing same thing over the next day just because these advices take a toll on your mental health.
Please know that setting boundaries is very important but giving them little free hand to explore is also necessary to develop their minds, thinking ability and skills. You should be teaching them what is right and what is wrong but try not to enforce your will upon them.
Whenever someone gives you an advice you didn’t ask for, listen and then trust your gut whether to act upon it or not. Learn to say no and tell others politely how you don’t want them to behave in a certain manner with or in front of your baby.
These advices will continue to come your way even after you marry off your children. They never stop and never will. You have to be smart enough to decide which one to listen and which one to ignore for your sanity and peace of mind. Do not take every advice you hear to your heart for your own good.
Enjoy and cherish every moment while they are small and don’t give power to others to over happiness.